__________________ 03 Avalanche.... Car is gone www.fquick.com/agrv8d "Freedom, for those who've fought for it,has a flavor the protected will never know"
An $80K, 4,000lb, overpriced, unreliable, ugly, V6 automatic Nissan is not a "sick car". Its nothing more than an electronically controlled ricer mobile.
One early December morning Josh and I set out to Okemos to install a plasma television and a surround sound system. It was a week before Christmas, and we were ridiculously busy. One of the things that we always do when we are in this area is stop at Big John's Steak and Onion. Delicious subs, unfortunately the closest one to my house is an hour away. Anyways, we go in, and get our subs and a bowl of broccoli cheddar soup. Nothing of interest happened there, but Big John plays a major role later on in the day.
We pull into the driveway of this duplex, and our customers house was the back unit. We make our way to the back where the garage is, and park the van. I'm fumbling for a minute with the keys, the ignition lock was worn so sometimes it took a little finesse. Josh taps my arm, and I look up. Josh is staring at the back of the house. I look over, and the entire back of the house was made out of glass, like a big picture window. The room I was looking at had a tall vaulted ceiling, and the glass went all the way to the roof. Then I saw it. "WHAT THE **** IS THAT..." I exclaimed. In the room stood a GIANT fuzzy pink Christmas tree, it had to have been 14 feet tall. "Is this the right house?" Josh doesn't say a word, he just kinda slowly nods his head. We sit there for a second, and decide we might as well just get it over with. We walk to the door, which was also pink (the rest of the duplex was painted a bluish color) and I knock. We stand there in absolute terror, wondering what kind of crazy lesbian was going to answer the door. The doorknob rattles, and the door creaks open.
Standing in front of us was a giant muscular man dressed in a biker outfit. This guy was easily 6 and a half feet tall, bald shaved head, and a beard. He wore black jeans, black biker boots, a black t-shirt and a silver chain around his neck. His arms were covered in tattoos, and he had a few bracelets made out of chain. This guy looked like he could kick some serious ass if he wanted to. For a brief moment, we breathed a sigh of relief. We though OK, this guy is here while his girlfriend was at work. How wrong we were.
We said hello, and went inside. I have never seen so much pink in all my life. We were standing in the kitchen, and I looked around. Pink tile. Pink cabinets. Pink countertops. Pink walls. Pink table. Pink glasses. Pink plates. Pink appliances. On the walls were Women's lib pictures from the 40's and 50's, and pictures of other feminine things. As we noticed the pinkness, reality quickly sunk in. I felt like I had walked into a life size Barbie playhouse. Oh how I wished Barbie was there. But she was not. Big Gay Steve, the Christmas Tree Fairy, had taken up residence in her place.
We walked in the living room where the giant fuzzy pink Christmas tree stood. It had gold tinsel, and was covered in beach ball sized ornaments. A fuzzy pink blanket lay on the floor around the tree, and giant pink boxes with giant frilly white bows where strewn across the floor. On the coffee table lay the biggest diamond ring I had ever seen in my life. I don't mean it was a regular ring with a big rock on it, I mean if I was to pick this thing up I could easily pass my head through it. The diamond was made out of glass, and was easily bigger than a softball. It was the gayest thing I had ever seen.
Josh and I went (quickly) out to the van to grab our tools, and talk about the horror we were just witness too.
Josh - Where do you think he gets all this ****?
Me - I don't know, some big gay warehouse?
Josh - WHAT!? There can't be a big Gays 'R Us somewhere where you can just walk in and buy a giant fuzzy pink Christmas tree!?!
Me - I dunno man, I've seen some pretty wierd **** on the internet.
Josh - True..
We go back inside, and get to work. On top of being incredibly flamboyant, this guy was VERY OCD. Josh and I would be doing something like drilling a hole or sawing on the drywall, and he would follow behind us with a small shop vac and suck up the dust as it came off the saw. It was very annoying, but I didn't want to agitate this guy and somehow end up tied up in his basement or simmering in a pot on his stove. An hour or so came by, and a friend came by to say "hello!"
It was Big John, and it felt like he had brought reinforcements. I tried to fight Big John off, but quickly realized it was a war I was not going to win. I looked first at Josh, and I thought I was going to cry. "Sir?" I said. God did that feel wierd calling this guy "sir". I felt as if I should have said "Ma'am" or "Miss" or something along those lines. "May I use your bathroom?" He said sure, no problem, and pointed down the hallway. I gritted my teeth, and walked towards the bathroom. I put my hands up to act like horse blinders, rubbing my temples at the same time so the guy wouldn't know what was up.
I walked into the bathroom, and I was pleasantly suprised. It was completely normal. White walls, white floor, white tub, just... normal. "Too normal for this guy" I thought, as I checked for cameras in the vent and under the toilet seat, just for good measure. I did my business, washed my hands, and opened the door to walk out. That's where I made my fatal mistake.
Due to the over - normalness of this guys bathroom, I completely let my guard down as I entered the hallway. There, across the hall from the bathroom, was this guys bedroom. I gasped in horror as I gazed into the room. There was a round bed in the middle of the room, covered in leopard fur, and chains hung from the ceiling above. On the wall were whips, chains, gags, and other kinds of restraints. He even had those things with a red rubber ball. The "pièce de resistance" was straight out of Pulp Fiction. It was a complete "Gimp" outfit made out of black rubber, latex or leather or SOMETHING. Zippers over the mouth, eyes, nose, ears, everywhere! It had loops for chains and cuffs, and in that instant I wanted nothing more than to be safe at home. I walked back into the living room, where Josh noticed something was terribly wrong. "What's up?" he asked, and I just shook my head no, with a look of fright in my eyes.
I did not say a word until we got back in the van to leave.
good thing yall got outta there wouldnt want any of yall to end up like marcelous from pulp fiction lol
__________________ lol ill get a ls1 when i get a damn job its bad enough i have to go to meets in my dd.
Daily 2005 impala aka the koenigsegg ccx
Quote:
Originally Posted by x66
i want to suck on her ass-hole after sniffing it all day!
well, until then to help keep people occupied...I watched like 6 full episodes of the a-team last week on youtube.com, just search for the a-team episode...kickass1!!
__________________
2002 Z28 M6 'Vert - Triple Black - Borla/Lid/Suncoast
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ted Nugent
"You're born at Point A. You die at Point B. Kick maximum ass in between!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark Twain
"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
Holy hell I forgot I posted this over here. Yes, there is more, let me find it and I'll copy paste it over. I have some more material to be written too, I hate to say this I just haven't been in the mood to for awhile.
__________________ 99 C5 - 383 LS6 stroker, D&D T56, 4.10's, and every other bolt-on under the sun.
"Freedom, for those who've fought for it,has a flavor the protected will never know" 
